Shades of Memories
by Curious Girl
Summary: He left me letters. That's all. Five letters for me to read. To remember. To let go. He send me on a trip. A trip down the memory lane. Memories of me. Of him. Of our family. Of us. Sequel to Shades of Bolton
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1: The last path**

I'm staring out of the french windows in the living room. Whole Manhattan is shining back at me. The Central Park is smiling back at me. It's a wonderfull day. The sun is shining over the city which never sleeps.

"Gabriella," I hear someone saying my name.

_Flashback_

_"Gabriella," I hear him saying and I turn around._

_He's walking down the thin long glas corridor, smiling like crazy. He's wearing a dark jeans, a white oxfordshirt and no shoes._

_I grin at him right away as soon as he reaches me, "Welcome home, Mr. Bolton."_

_"Likewise, Mrs. Bolton. And mini-Bolton." he says, touching my 27th week pregnant stomach. Yeah, I clearly have a baby bump now. As if our baby girl knew that her Daddy was trying to get in contact with her, she starts kicking like crazy._

_I smile, "She already loves you more than me."_

_He smiles as his hands feel the kicks inside of me. "She loves us both. We're her parents."_

_"I can't wait for her to finally come out."_

_End of Flashback_

I smile as I see Adam walking over to me, "Alexis will be here in two hours. You should get ready." he's wearing a black tuxedo. He looks breathtaking.

I nodd, "Okay."

"Sharpay is already in your closet, picking out the dress." he says, kissing my cheek. "How are you?"

"I'm fine." I say and smile.

He returns my smile, "Go get ready. I make sure everything will run smoothly."

I walk straight into my bedroom. My blonde best friend has already placed dresses on my bed. All of them are black.

Sharpay walks out of the closet, holding three pairs of shoes in her hands, covering her pregnant stomach.

"I will not wear black." I say to her, causing her to drop the shoes on the floor.

She's wearing a black Chanel dress which hides her tiny baby bump. "How are you?"

"I am fine. I'm okay." I say to her. "It's just another day."

She nodds, "I won't hug you, because that will make me cry. I'm a ticking hormonic bomb right now. I can't imagine how you must have felt with Alexis."

I grin, "It was the best time of my life. Speaking of her, Adam just told me that she'll be here in two hours."

"I'll call the others and ask them to come by. When will he be here?"

I shrugg, "He said somewhere around six."

"Okay..."

"I'm going to take a shower first." I say, leaving her alone in the bedroom.

"Wait, what color do you want to wear?"

"Red." I say before I close the bathroom door behind me. I get out of my pjamas and get into the shower. The hot water starts splashing against my cold skin.

_Flashback_

_I feel his hands around my naked waist as the hot water touches my skin._

_"Happy Birthday, Ella." he whispers into my ear before he turns me around and kisses me._

_"I thought you were already at work." I say, brushing through his chestnut brown hair._

_"And I thought you knew me well enough to know that I would take this day of for you."_

_I smile, "But I don't have this day off."_

_"I am your boss. When I say you have this day off, then you have this day off."_

_"Maybe I'd like to work today..."_

_"Will you start fighting with me again? This is your birthday."_

_"The birthday I don't want to start with a fight."_

_"Good." he says kissing me again, "Savannah is already waiting for us."  
"Savannah?" I ask him surprised, "A trip?"_

_"A romantic getaway for just the both of us."  
"Who's taking care of Alexis?"_

_"Sharpay. She should start practicing anyway." he says smiling._

_End of flashback_

I get out of the shower and paddle dry my body. The hot shower was just what I needed. I place the towel around my upper body and walk back into the bedroom. Sharpay has already left the room. I get into my underwear and put on the red dress which Sharpay picked out for me. I am thankful for that. I don't have the strength to pick out a dress in this huge closet.

As soon as I am dressed, I blow dry my dark brown locks. But instead of walking back into my bedroom, I walk into the music room.

Nothing has changed here. The smell is still the same. His smell still remains.

I sit down on the music stool in front of the piano and let my fingers glide down the keys.

_Flashback_

_I stop playing as soon as I feel his presence in the room. I turn around, watching him leaning casually against the door frame._

_"It's good."_

_"It's nothing." I say back, watching him come closer. "Did you just got home?" I ask him, seeing him in his usual business outfit._

_"Yes. The meeting lasted a little longer than I thought."_

_I nodd, "Was it at least worth your time?"_

_He shruggs, before he gets seated next to me. "I believe we got what we wanted. But I'd rather be with my family instead of this dinner."_

_"Alexis got mail today."_

_"From Yale?"_

_"Yes."_

_"And?" he asks me with one raised eyebrow._

_"They want her. Our daughter is going to Yale! Just like her parents."_

_"Only she's two years younger than we were." he says grinning before he kisses me._

_"Would you please stop making out in this room?! I'm using it sometimes as well, you know." I hear our daughter saying as his lips still touch mine._

_I let go of his lips and stare at the third Bolton family member, who is standing in the doorframe. She's wearing a Yale sweater._

_End of Flashback_

"Mom, " I hear her saying and I turn around.

She's wearing a dark blue dress. Her chestnut brown locks are in a messy updo. Her crystal blue eyes stare into mine. She has so much from her father.

"You need to get ready. He'll be here in thirty minutes."

"Alexis," I start.

"Don't. Just... don't." she says before she leaves me again.

I sigh before I get up and walk into the bathroom again, to do my hair and make-up.

I start putting my dark brown locks into a messy updo as well. But I fail. Big time. I can't even put my hair into a messy updo. Something I used to wear every day.

_Flashback_

_I pin the last free stand of hair into the messy up do. Then I start doing my make up, which consists of a red lip and a black cat-eye. Then I get up and walk back into the livingroom. He's standing in front of the french windows, getting embraced by the lights which Manhattan has coated him in._

_"Mr. Bolton," I start, unable to hide a goofy smile. He is my husband - for twelve years now. And he hasn't looked any sexier._

_He turns around smiling. He's holding a bouquet of peonies. Twelve peonies for twelve years of marriage._

_"Peonies." I breath out smiling._

_"For twelve years of marriage." he says as I reach him._

_"Thank you." I say, taking them from him. "Is Sharpay already here?"_

_He nodds towards the kitchen and I turn around. Sharpay is in the kitchen with our little angel. An angel of twelve years._

_"Mom, you look beautiful tonight." Alexis says smiling, showing her tooth gap. She looks _so_ cute!_

_"Thank you, honey." I say kissing her forehead. "What will you guys do tonight?"_

_"Well, Shar said we can watch movies all the night!" she says jumping happily, "And I get to annoy uncle Adam!" she says grinning._

_"Adam?"_

_"Yes! Shar said that I could sleep at her apartment tonight."_

_I look over to Sharpay, who grins at me._

_"I thought you guys could use a night all by yourselves..." she answers with a shrugg._

_A night to overselves. We both knew what that would mean. A night filled with sex and no sleep._

_I grin, "Thank you."_

_She nodds, "No problem. Now go and leave us alone!"_

_Troy chuckles before he bends down to Alexis, "Give uncle Adam a message from me." he says before he whispers something into her ear._

_She laughs before she nodds, "Got it."_

_"See you guys later. Oh and happy 12th anniversary." my blonde best friend says grinning._

_His hand on my bare back, leads us away from our child._

_"Remind me to thank Sharpay with a new necklace." Troy whispers into my ear as we walk down the long glas corridor._

_I grin back at him, "A night just for us... God, it's been ages since we had that." I say as we wait for the elevator._

_The doors glide open and he pulls me into the elevator, by grabbing my arm. He kisses me passionately as he pushes me softly against the glass walls of the elevator. I return his kiss and feel his hands in my dark brown messy updo._

_End of Flashback_

"Let me do that." I hear Sharpay saying and see her seconds later in the reflection. I didn't even hear her walking in.

"Thank you." I say as she starts pinning up my hair. "Did Alexis talk to you?"

"Something is bothering her. And it's not just today." Sharpay answers.

I nodd, "I know. It's been going on for a while. I tried to get through to her. No luck."

She sighs.

"I think it has something to do with Lucas." I say, looking straight into her chocolate brown eyes.

"But they didn't break up, did they?"

"No. He's just... I have no idea what's going on between them. It's their relationship. I won't interfer unless he's hurting her."

She nodds, "Will he come?"

I shrugg, "I don't know."

"Okay, done." Sharpay says, turning me around on the chair. "You look good."

I laugh, "You want to know what's so funny about that? I feel good. I don't feel horrible. I feel fine."

Sharpay smiles back at me, "Okay. Let's go. They're already here."

We walk back into the living room. I get greeted by loud talking right away. I see Meredith, Adam, William, Carol, Alexis and Lucas.

"Hi everyone." I say smiling.

They're all wearing black. Unlike my daughter and me.

"Mrs. Bolton, " I hear someone saying and I turn around.

A man, at the age of 50 rises from the chair and walks over to me.

"Yes?"

"I'm Mr. Trancy. I'm here to read out the will."

* * *

**The sequel everyone! I hope you will enjoy reading it as much as I have enjoyed writing this chapter.**

**This story will be a lot shorter than Shades of Bolton. I don't know how long it will be, but I know that this story won't have 43 chapters as Shades of Bolton.**

**Please review.**

**Xoxo Nic**


	2. His last, but not least will

**Chapter 2: His last, but not least will**

_"A Bolton tragedy!_

_The beloved Troy Bolton, the CEO of Bolton's Enterprises and former hottest bachelor alive, has passed away. On March 17th Mr. Bolton's jet crashed as he was on his way back to Manhattan from a business meeting in Chicago._

_Although a lynch couldn't be found, the investigators claim that the 42-year old man had no option to escape the flames. He leaves a wife, Gabriella Bolton, and their daughter, Alexis Bolton._

_Sincere condolences to the Boltons."_

_"Troy Bolton dies in a planecrash!_

_A great tragedy in the Bolton household has happened. The charming Mr. Troy Bolton has died in a planecrash, according to close source. On March 17th the CEO of Bolton's Enterprises was on his way back to Manhattan. Sadly, he never touched ground with his hometown. The plane crashed on the floor, due to unknown reasons. It caught flames immediately, coating Troy Bolton in them._

_Seems like Gabriella, his wife, and their daughter are now only left with the name. His last will is going to be read out this week._

_Sincere condolences. We lost a great man."_

_"Did Gabriella finally get what she wanted all along?_

_Troy Bolton, the CEO, has died in a planecrash in March. On a friday morning, his private jet - called Savanah - has touched the ground after only minutes after takeoff. The plane caught fire immediately. Although Bolton's lynch hasn't been found, there is no chance he could have survived this. The jet lost contact with air traffic controllers after it took off from Chicago at 2:13 p.m. It was scheduled to arrive in Manhattan, New York the very same evening. He's leaving his wife and daughter. A wife who will get all of his money, since they didn't have a marriage contract. Seems like the money obsessed woman has finally got her way - even though it has cost Bolton his life._

_Sincere condolences."_

Alexis switchs off the television and mumbles something before she walks over to us. We're all seated at the dinning table. Manhattan is surrounding us. It started raining. Is Manhattan just as sad as we are about our loss? It definitely feels like it.

"Are you ready?" Mr. Trancy asks us.

I nodd, holding Alexis hand as soon as she sits down next to me. Lucas, her boyfriend for more than two years now, is sitting beside her.

Mr. Trancy gets out a piece of paper and puts on his glasses before he starts reading out loud, "Last Will and Testament of Troy Johnathan Christian Bolton Grey

I, Troy Johnathan Christian Bolton Grey, a resident of the County

of Manhattan, State of New York, being of sound and

disposing mind, memory and understanding, do hereby make, publish

and declare this to be my Last Will and Testament, hereby

revoking all wills and codicils at any time heretofore made by

me.

**ITEM I**

For information purposes, at the time of this Will, I am

married to Gabriella Maria Bolton, and have

one natural born children, namely: Alexis Katherine Maria Bolton.

**ITEM II**

I direct that all my legally enforceable debts, funeral

expenses, expenses of my last illness and administrative

expenses, be paid by my Personal Representative from the assets

of my estate as soon as practicable after my death.

I direct that all inheritance, transfer, succession and

other death taxes, which may be payable with respect to any

property includible as a part of my gross estate, shall be paid

from my residuary estate, without any apportionment thereof.

**ITEM III**

I appoint Gabriella Maria Bolton as executor of this will.

I authorize my executor to sell/divide my estates and personal belongs:

I.) My Island in the Seychelles should go to Sharpay Elizabeth Grey.

II.) My paintings, except for the painting in my living and bedroom, should go to Adam Franklin Grey.

III.) My cars, except for the Spider, should go to William Bolton.

IV.) My estates all go to Gabriella Maria Bolton.

V.) My enterprise goes fully and with no exceptions to Alexis Katherine Maria Bolton.

VII.) The Bolton Hospital should go to Meredith Grey.

VI.) The attached key is to be given to Gabriella Maria Bolton. It's a key to a box which is in the safe.

**IN WITNESS WHEREOF,** I have hereunto subscribed my name and

affixed my seal at the City of Manhattan, State of

New York, this 2nd day of July,

2012, in the presence of the subscribing witnesses who I

have requested to become attesting witnesses hereto.

Sharpay Elizabeth Grey

Witness

His instrument was, on the date hereof, signed, published

and declared by Ian Trancy, to be his Last Will

and Testament, in our presence and in the presence of each of us

and we, at the same time, at his request, in his presence and in the presence of each other, have hereunto signed

our names and addresses as attesting witnesses." Trancy stops.

"He's giving me his company?" Alexis asks confused.

"And you were there?!" I ask Sharpay shocked.

She nodds, "He needed a witness and he asked me. I couldn't say no."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"That was eightteen years ago. I hardly remember."

"It is something you can't forget!" I hiss at her.

Trancy ignores our conversations and gets something out of his bag. A key.

"This is the attached key which was mentioned in the will." Trancy says, handing it over to me.

I stare confused at the silver shining thing. He's giving me a key?!

"Well my work is done. My deepest sympathy, Mrs. Bolton." he says and I nodd.

"I'll escort you to the elevator, Mr. Trancy." Sharpay says, getting up.

Alexis stare confused in my dark brown orbs, "Mom, he's giving me his company. I don't know how to conduct a company - let alone Bolton's enterprises!"

I open my mouth, but nothing comes out of it. I am just as shocked as she is. "He has his reasons, Alexis." I finally say.

"Some reasons I don't understand." she says, being suddenly the owner of the 76 billion worth company.

"He trusts you. He trusts your insticts."

"But I'm not studing anything near what he did! I am studying journalism for Christ's sake! I have no idea how to conduct a company, mother."

"Then let someone else do the job. It's your choice, Alexis. It's now your company."

She bites on her lip, "I don't know what to do. I can't let someone else do the job. The job he gave me. If I did, I would betray him. Betray my own father."

I hugg her right away, "He surely would be fine with whatever you decide, Katherine."

She nodds, "Okay..."

I smile at her.

"Do you want to go to the safe?" she asks me.

"Yes. I..."

"Okay." Alexis says, pulling me into a hug. "I love you, Mom."

"I love you, too. More than you know, my dear." I say and eyeball her face. Gosh, she looks exactly like her father. The nose, the cheekbones... the lips... and the eyes.

"Who wants a cup of tea?" she asks her family, giving me the time to go to the safe.

I get up and walk away from my family.

"Where are you going?" Sharpay asks me halfway.

I hold up the silver key, "I'm going to see what he has left me."

"You want to be alone?"

I shake my head.

"Good, because I couldn't bare you opening this box without seeing it." Sharpay says grinning before she follows me into his office.

As I type in the code into the safe, I sigh. "I don't believe he is dead, Shar."

"I know."

"I would feel it otherwise. I would feel an emptiness."

"It's been a month since the planecrash, honey. It's impossible that he's alive."

"I know." I say before the safe opens. A small silver box is standing in it. I get it out.

"Ready?" she asks me.

I nodd, before I put the key into the keyhole.

* * *

**Next chapter, everyone! Pleaseee review! :D**

Xoxo Nic


	3. Letting go isn't as easy as it sounds

**Chapter 3: Letting go isn't as easy as it sounds**

There are letters in it. One letter has Alexis name on it. The rest is bounded with red ribbon and has a card. A card with my name on it.

I let my body fall on the soft arm chair before I get the letters. I carefully get out the first letter and open it.

_I love you._

_More than you know._

_I want you to take the next letter and do as I say._

_Oh and I'm sorry for dieing before you._

That's all. With those last words the letter ends.

I laugh. I laugh my heart out. My heart which suddenly is filled with an unbelievable amount of sorrow. Sorrow which tears it apart. The heart which still belongs to him.

"What?" Sharpay asks me confused.

I hand her the letter and she reads it. Then she grins. "Typicall for him."

I get out the second letter out of the ribbon. On the envelope he has written "Manhattan" in dark curly letters. It's his handwriting. His beautifull handwriting.

I carefully get out the letter. With it there is a picture of us. A picture which shows the whole family. It was taken on the day we told them that I was pregnant. A day after our honeymoon has ended.

_Flashback_

_"Are you ready to tell them?" he asks me as he wipes a strand of hair out of my face._

_I nodd as I lace my fingers with his. We're standing in the kitchen, waiting for the Boltons/Sloanes/Greys to arrive. I'm wearing a dark blue silk dress from Dior with a classic v-cut in the front and back. It's the only dress which fits my 31 weeks pregnant body. I already have a huge baby bump._

_"Troy, Gabriella, where are you?" I hear Sharpay asking in a loud voice._

_"Kitchen!" we yell back at the same time._

_I hear Meredith and Mark talking as the group walks over to the kitchen._

_"Welcome back, Mr. and Mrs. Bolton." Adam says grinning as they reach the kitchen._

_"It's good to see you all again." I say smiling, standing behind the island to hide my bump._

_"So, what's the reason we have to come?" Kelsi asks us._

_"I only have a short window of time." Mark says._

_"The reason you are here is..."_

_"I am pregnant." I finish Troy sentence and walk over to them._

_Adam's and Kelsi's chin falls down right away._

_Sharpay grins at me and rolls her eyes, "You are huge, Gabs." she says hugging me._

_"But you... you just got home from your honeymoon." Adam says shocked. "That means -"_

_"that I was pregnant a whole lot of time before the wedding, yes."_

_Meredith eyes sparkle - so does William's._

_"Oh congratulations!" the Grey woman says hugging me before she walks over to Troy. "Congrats Troy. I'm happy for both of you." she says before she hugs her adoptive son. Suddenly her beeper starts beeping. She sighs, "I have to go."_

_William pulls me into a long hug, "Thank you."_

_"You're welcome." I say, knowing exactly what he meant. His dream to become a grandfather._

_"Just please tell me it's a girl!" Kelsi says, hugging me next. "Gosh, you're as huge as an elefant! How far are you?"_

_"31rst week." I say grinning._

_"And it is a girl." Troy answers her question._

_Kelsi hits him right away, "Why the hell didn't you tell me?!"_

_He shruggs, "Brothers still have secrets as well."_

_"But it includes my niece! My freaking niece, whom I already love more than her parents." Kelsi says, playing the drama queen once more._

_I chuckle._

_"Okay, let's take a picture!" Sharpay announces grinning._

_"WHAT?!" Troy and I ask shocked at the same time. We absolutely hate taking pictures._

_"It's going to be the first picture of the whole family." Sharpay explains, "You guys just have to smile and that's all. It won't even hurt, I promise." she says grinning as she places the Nikon camera in our direction. Then she presses the autotimer._

_Seconds later a flash appears._

_End of Flashback_

"God, this picture was taken ages ago!" Sharpay says smiling, looking over my shoulder.

"Nearly eighteen years ago." I say smiling. It feels like a lifetime ago. And that's what it is. It was taken in a life, in which I still had him. In a time he was still mine and I was his.

Then I take out the letter.

_This is the first of five letters._

_I want you to take the next two weeks off. It will take exactly two weeks for you to read all these five letters. To read them, to remember and to let go._

_Tomorrow morning I want you to give Taylor the next letter with the words "Malibu" on them. He will know what to do._

_As soon as you are in our house in Malibu, I want you to walk into the masterbedroom. You will find a new letter on the nightstand. _

_Until then, I'm forever yours._

_Troy Bolton_

Confused I re-read the letter. He wants me to do _what_?!

* * *

**A new chapter! I hope you liked it. Please review!**

**Xoxo Nic**


	4. Malibu

**Chapter 4: Malibu**

I open the french windows and let in the Californian breeze. I walk out of the house and watch the waves crashing against each other from the balcony. It's a calm place. A private place. Our place.

I take a deep breath in as the wind is blowing through my dark brown locks. I love this house. And I have to let it go.

I'm going to sell it. Or auction it off. For the foundation. A foundation which raises money to help children who have leukemia - just like I did. It was his wedding present to me. A present which couldn't have come more from his heart.

I turn around and walk into the beach house again. I walk straight into the master bedroom, which is held in a beige tone.

He was right. There it is. On the left nightstand - my side of the bed. The sun is shining on the letter which has my name written on it.

I pick it up and sit down on the comfortable king sized bed, before I carefully open the envelope.

_Welcome home _is written on the back of a photo. I turn it around and see my husband and my daughter grinning in the camera. It was me who took the picture. It was our first trip as a family. Our first vacation as a family in Malibu. From that year on, we went at least three times in a year to Malibu. It became our second home.

_Flashback_

_"Take a picture of me holding her." Troy demands after he had placed our luggage in the living room. He picks up our sleeping daughter. She doesn't even notice that he has picked her up. Gosh, she's so beautiful with her two months!_

_I grin, "She's sleeping. You won't even see her beautifull eyes on the picture."_

_"I don't care! I want a picture with my daughter in our second home." he demands in a tone, I can't resist._

_"Okay..." I say, giving in. "But if the flashlight will wake her up, it's your turn to bring her back to sleep!" I hiss before I get out the Nikon camera._

_"Okay, fine. Now take the picture!" Troy says, holding our daughter. Her body is resting against his muscular upper body. It's an epic picture._

_"Say cheese!" I say before I take the picture. A flashlight appears and as I have predicted, our daughter wakes up right away, screaming like crazy. Guess she hates the spotlight as much as her parents do. She really _is_ our daughter._

_"And now was that worth it?!" I hiss at him, as he tries to calm her down._

_"At least she's enjoying me so close to her." he hisses at me._

_I roll my eyes, "Don't ruin this moment, Troy."_

_"You ruined it by turning on the flashlight!"_

_"I did not!" I hiss back, "And you're unable to calm our daughter down."_

_"Don't critize my-" and then our daughter falls asleep again. "See? I am doing just fine." he says before he walks into the nursery, in which he places her in her bed._

_I walk out of the house and watch the waves. I can't believe that only two months ago we were only two. Now, out of the sudden, we're a family. A real family._

_His hands around my waist surprise me. I turn around before I take a step away from him._

_"Ella, it's been two months..." he says, giving me his best puppy eyes yet._

_But I can't. I can't let him touch me. Me in a body I am not feeling comfortable. I knew from the beginning, that after the pregnancy my body would change. But not into this._

_As much as I want to be close to him again, I can't. Not even Claude could give me the sexappeal I need. Although we have been working out pretty much every day, I am still not happy with my body. Although my weight is the same as it was before the pregnancy, I am not happy. My body looks fine. My proportions are fine. Of course, my breasts are still huge, but that's the only part of my body which has remained the same after I gave birth. It's not the way my body looks. It's the way I feel. I thought working out, getting fit, would make me feel better. I thought it would give me that amazing feel I had each time I went running. But it doesn't. Nothing does._

_"I'm sorry." I say to him again. A word he has heard too many times in the past._

_He nodds, "I have my needs as well, Gabriella."_

_"I know." It's been ages since I let him touch me. No, not ages - two months to be exact. "Soon." I promise him._

_"Okay." he says before his eyes focus on the view again._

_"It's the perfect house." I answer. "Nice choice, Mr. Bolton."_

_"Thank you." he says, his body is stiff. "I didn't think it would be that hard."_

_"Me, too." I say, knowing exactly what he meant. Being parents, being married... being us._

_End of Flashback_

I put the picture beside me on the bed and open the letter.

_It was our first vacation with our daughter. Our first vacation as a family._

_I remember the glow in your eyes as we entered this house. A glow, I haven't been seeing for two months. You were a loving and caring mother, but you lost your confidence. You stoped believing in yourself. And I wanted to give it back to you._

_And yes I missed the sex with you a little as well._

_So close your eyes and think back. Run back in time. Back to this moment which gave you back your confidence. Back to us. Back to me._

_Forever yours,_

_Troy Bolton_

I place the letter in front of my heart and lay down on the bed. Then I close my eyes and run back in time - straight to him.

_Flashback_

_"She's finally sleeping." I say and sigh as I walk into the masterbedroom. I'm wearing Victoria's Secret sweatpants and a tank top. I place the babyphone on the shelve next to the door, which I silently close._

_He walks out of the bathroom with only a towel wrapped around his waist. His bare muscular chest is glitzering with water drops. His hair is toweldry. He looks beyond hot. My husband looks beyond hot. A husband who is not allowed to touch me. Am I a horrible wife?_

_"She should sleep the whole night through." I announce smiling._

_He doesn't return my smile. He just stands there, eyeballing me._

_"Don't..." I say as I feel his eyes undressing me again. He slowly walks over to me, not once looking away from my body. I feel the heat rising inside of me as he stands only milimeters away from me. His forehead is pressed lightly against mine. I feel my pulse rising, heating his body up. I feel my desire for him rising deep, deep inside of me. _

_"Tell me you love me." he demands, his eyes sparkling in a dark blue._

_"You know that I do."_

_"Still... you haven't said it in two months." he says into my eyes before his hands touch my shoulders._

_I close my eyes as I feel my body react to his touch. His touch which gives me goosebumps and sets me on fire at the same time. His touch which makes my body go crazy._

_"Tell me." he demands._

_I open my eyes and stare into his ocean blue eyes. A depth I haven't seen in his eyes yet. It's the first time I see this color in his eyes. The color which demands sex. Hot sex. Hot sex with me. "I love you." I whisper. Seconds later I feel his hands wandering down my back. Slowly, as if he was enjoying touching each centimeter of my body. As if touching my body would be his salvation. I close my eyes again, feeling his hands setting my body more and more on fire._

_"Tell me you want me." he whispers into my ear. His hot breath against my skin makes me go crazy._

_"I want you." I answer in a whisper tone, feeling more and more aroused with every second passing._

_His hands wander down my back and stop before they wander up again. He's enjoying it. He's clearly enjoying touching me. Enjoying my body._

_I open my eyes and stare back into his ocean blue eyes. I get lost in them within a milisecond. "Troy..." I beg him to stop. He's torturing me. "I can't."_

_He stops, "You can." he says before he starts wandering up my arm with his fingercups._

_God, he's setting me on fire! How can he make a simple touch feel so erotic?_

_"Why do you want me to stop?" he asks me carefully, wandering up my left arm with his fingercups._

_I open my mouth to protest, but nothing comes out of it._

_"Thought so." he says before pulling out the scrunchie from my ponytail. My dark brown locks fall down loosely on my bare shoulders. "You're just filled with selfdoubt. You've lost your confidence when you gave birth to our daughter, didn't you?"_

_I open my mouth to answer him, but once more nothing comes out of it. He stops torturing me with his fingercups. I sigh, thank god he stoped. "Troy..." I say in a whisper as he places his forehead against mine again._

_"You're beautifull, Ella. The most beautifull woman I have ever seen - and as you know, I've already seen a lot of beautifull women." he whispers into my ear. "And I am glad that I am married to the most beautifull woman in the world. A perfect woman." he says before he starts kissing my neck._

_I let out a moan. A loud, sensually moan, revealing the effect he has on me right now._

_He grins, "I knew it." he says into my eyes, "You're not immune to me."_

_How could I _ever_ be immune to him? I feel the heat inside of me rising again as his hot breath reaches my right ear, "I love you so much, Gabriella."_

_He loves me so much, that he has been abstinent for the past months. His lips continue kissing it's way down my neck, rising the heat inside of me._

_"Touch me, Gabriella. I need your touch as badly as you need mine." he says to me._

_I slowly rise my arms to his upper body, touching his muscular upper body. Gosh, those muscles... He is perfection. Pure perfection. I am married to perfection._

_He brushes a strand of hair away from my face, before he stares into my eyes. "It feels good, doesn't it?"_

_I lick my lips, feeling his warm muscles beneath my fingers. "Kiss me." I say into his eyes._

_He smiles, "Finally." he mumbles before his lips find mine, sparking a fire inside of me._

_I return his kiss with more passion than both of us could handle. I love the way he kisses me, as if he had to, as if he'd go crazy if he didn't and had nearly waited too long. Our hot kisses cause us to fall softly on the bed. We continue kissing eagerly as I feel his hands wandering down my tanktop. For the first time in months, I want him to touch me. There. Everywhere._

_I was longing for his touch. His lips. His tongue. Everything from him._

_He slowly pulls up the shirt with his hand, while the other is in my hair, while our lips are still touching and our tongues still exploring each other mouth's. Mouth's which haven't been explored in months. Suddenly, this is going all way too slow for me._

_We roll over so I am sitting on his lap. With one glamorous gesture I take off the tanktop, revealing my black lace bra. _

_He grins as he eyeballs my upper body which is already covered in sweat drops. "My hot wife..." he says before I shut him off with a kiss. I lace my fingers with him and pull him into mattress as I start coating his upper body with hot kisses. He starts moaning, giving me exactly what I need to hear from him._

_I stop kissing his muscular chest and stare into his glowing eyes for a second. His pupils are widened, coating his turqouise colored eyes in black. This one second of staring, gives him enough time to lift himself and roll us over again, so he is on top._

_His kisses are gifts. He kisses with everything he has, with power and passion and hunger and love. He holds nothing back, giving everything, exposing everything._

_The center of my lust is pulsing as he kisses his way down to my navel, slowly as if he is enjoying every single time his lips touch my skin. I feel his errection against my hips as his hands start gliding down my upper body. Slowly and carefully, as if he was unwrapping an important gift, he slides down my sweatpants but not my thong. I try to catch my breath as I feel his warm, strong hands slowly slide down my thong. Seconds later I feel his lips making it's way down to the center of my pulsing lust._

_"I promise you, that you won't forget the first time we have sex after our daughter was born." he promises me before his tongue flatters around my clit, growing my desire for him in vastness._

_I moan, letting my body react to the fireworks he is about to create inside of me. And then I hear a loud crying filling the room. "Oh God, no!" I say in a loud voice, letting my head fall into the soft pillow._

_He stops immediately. The atmosphere is ruined - even if it's our daugher who is doing it._

_"Stay here. I'll take care of her." and with those words he is gone. Faster than I could do or say anything. Faster than anyone else could ever react. Guess an active sex life and a two months old child is not so easy to reconcile._

_"Shhh, what's wrong my angel?" I hear him saying through the babyphone. "Ah, that's what made you cry." he says causing our daughter to stop crying within a second. "Now get back to sleep so Daddy can finally screw Mommy after a fucking long time, my angel." he says before he kisses her._

_I chuckle. God, I missed my husband and his dirty, direct words. A husband too perfect. A husband who is mine. A husband who wants to screw me. His wife._

_"All good." he says, walking back into the bedroom. He is still wearing the towel around his hips while I am laying in all my naked glory on the bed. "She should sleep now and _not_ interrupt us a second time."_

_"You're ready to finally screw your wife?" I ask him and chuckle._

_He leans over me and kisses me softly. I didn't expect a soft kiss. A kiss filled with love instead of passion. "I missed this chuckle. I missed you."_

_"I know." I say and fondle his cheek, "I missed myself as well." before I kiss him softly again._

_End of Flashback_

I open my eyes and feel... something. I feel my broken heart beating in my chest. But it is also filled with love. Love for my husband. A husband who has left the world too soon.

* * *

**A new chapter! Pleaseeee review!**

**Xoxo Nic**


	5. Barcelona

**Chapter 5: Barcelona**

_"Barcelona_..." his words already ring in my ears as soon as I walk into the hotelroom with a view over the wineyards. It's the exact same hotelroom in which we had spend our first wedding anniversary. Our first anniversary as a married couple with a child. Somehow he had convinced me to leave Alexis with Sharpay and Adam. It was hard, but he did it.

I inhale the scent of Barcelona as I walk into the bedroom. There it is, the letter I am anxious to open. I quickly opened the envelope and was a little disappointed to not see a picture of us. Actually, there was no picture at all. Just his words.

_Ask at the reception for a cataln wine and enjoy it this evening. Enjoy it sip by sip as you look down at the wineyards in Barcelona. They will know what wine I mean as soon as they see you. They're informed. But don't drink the whole bottle - we all know how well you and the alcohol are able to communicate._

_Take another trip on the memory lane... Let your mind enjoy this city as much as we enjoyed it when we were here for the first time._

The candle on the table out in the veranda is the only light. Darkness surrounds me and my red wine. I empty a wine glass sip by sip, enjoying each one as he told me to.

Out of the sudden I break down in tears. Not the dramatic kind of crying. No, the tears just start rolling down my cheeks as I stare into darkness. It is now, I realize that I am without him. That he had left me. That the universe had chosen to rip us apart again - this time forever. I am not whole again. I am a widow.

I take another sip of the wine and close my eyes.

_Flashback_

_"Why are you sitting here all alone?" he asks me worried as he walks out of the hotelroom._

_With closed eyes I inhale his scent, "You hear that?"_

_"What?"_

_"Exactly." I say grinning. "Completely silence. But listen closely and you will hear the animals... It's a wonderfull sound."_

_He sits down behind me on the red couch. His arms warm up my already cold body. I haven't even noticed that the temperature has changed so rapidly._

_I let my body slowly fall against his strong muscular chest._

_"I love you." he says before kissing my forehead._

_"I love you, too." I say and open my eyes. "You picked out the perfect place for our first anniversay, Troy Bolton... It's silent and private..."_

_"And ready to be coated in love." he says as I turn my head to the side, so I can see his beautifull eyes._

_"Have I ever told you, how amazing your eyes are?" I say to him, unable to hide my amazement once more._

_He smiles - not with his lips, but with his eyes. "You have quite amazing eyes yourself."_

_"No, I'm serious. When I met you they were veilled. But the more time - and sex - we spend together, they got clearer. I knew that you loved me before you even said it for the first time."_

_"Am I that predictable?"_

_"No. It's the other way. You protect yourself with a shield. A shield you slowly took away for me. I remember the way your eyes sparkled when you stared at me after we had sex. The first time they sparkled when you came back from Moscow. Until today, I still don't know what has caused you to open up to me, but I am more than thankfull for that trip."_

_He smiles, "You want to know?"_

_I nodd, "Please."_

_"While I was in Moscow, I was a lot more busy than I usually was. I ran from meeting to meeting. I had one business dinner after another. Even Irina was surprised that I didn't call her in the first week. But eventually, I had a short window of time. And I called her. Although my heart protested, I called her. I wanted to find out if you had already changed me. Already changed my lifestyle. Changed me from deep inside."_

_"What happened then? Did you...sleep with her?" I ask him, even my lips are protesting to form those words. I had to made them._

_"Yes, I did. I slept with her, made her come three times in that night. It was the last night I slept with her. In a way, I said goodbye. I let go. I let her go. I let my lifestyle go."_

_"Why?"_

_"Because as soon as she steped into my hotelroom, I wanted her to be you. I wanted you to be in Moscow, instead of her. Don't get me wrong, I still adored her but... I longed for you. So badly. So I let her come instead of me. I punished myself." he says to me, fondling my cheek. "It was the first time one of my girlfriends has created such a deep connection with me. A connection I wasn't ready for, but yet you had me under controll. I wanted you. All the time. Every time. Every single second I was in Moscow. From the moment I left you until I came back to you, I wanted you. I longed for you so badly it hurt. My heart ached for you - as well as my body. All I knew that sex wasn't sex any longer. You turned it into something more. Whether it was the way you buried your nails into my skin just before you came, or maybe it was the way your eyes shone when I pulled out of you and looked at you... or maybe it was the way we came sychronically at times. I don't know what it was. All I knew was I didn't want it to stop. I'd do anything to hold on to it. On to you."_

_"But why did you want to talk on the evening you got back? I was ready for you. I longed for you as badly as you did for me."_

_He fondles my cheek, "You said in the beginning that you wanted to get to know me. So I chose to put your priorities in front of my desire for sex with you - something I haven't done before you. I was selfless this evening. As we got into talking, I relaxed. I relaxed because you took everything so easily. You didn't judge me. You've never judged me. You will never judge me, that's what I realized that evening. That's how you gained my trust. That's why I told you what happened with Lilly. Simply because you didn't judge me. You accepted me. Me and my fucked up shades. It was the first evening I rather wanted to be in your arms, than inside of you. It was the first evening I started caring about your feelings, because you clearly cared about mine. It was the first evening I let your love open me up."_

_I kiss him softly._

_"But I was freaking scared the next morning."_

_I arch an eyebrow, "I can't remember doing something wrong."_

_"You didn't do anything wrong."_

_"Then what was it?"_

_"You weren't there. That's what scared me. I was afraid that you had left me. That you have judged me anyway and chosen to leave me."_

_"But I didn't."_

_"You just made breakfast. No one has ever made breakfast for me. It was a whole new situation - you in my kitchen. A picture I fell instantly for. A picture I knew, I wanted to see more than just three months. A picture I wanted to see a whole lifetime."_

_"What about Alyson? Did you ever had those thoughts about her?" I ask, remembering this day as if it were yesterday._

_"Alyson was..." he brushs through his sandy brown hair, "At the time I was with her, I thought she was the love of my life. She was a wonderfull woman. A natural beauty. But she betrayed my trust - more than once. And ever since I met you, I know what love really feels like. How much love can hurt and make you feel insanely happy at the same time. The feelings for you can't simply be tamed by the word love. That's what took me so long to tell you I love you. Love doesn't even come near to the feelings I feel for you. I don't just love you. You are part of me. I am part of you. If you want to call that love, then yes. I love you. But I never loved anyone else. Not in such a freaking good intensity that it rips my heart apart at times. It's a feeling I wouldn't change with anything other in the world."_

_He's making me smile again. "I didn't know you had felt the same as I did so soon. I thought you... You just were with me because of the sex. At least, in the first month, I thought this was the reason."_

_"You broke up with me after a month. No one has ever broken up with me. You ripped my heart apart with just two words."_

_I arch my eyebrow, I can't even remember those words._

_"They were I'm sorry. You apologized for not being able to live my lifestyle. You apologized for being yourself. It tore me apart what I had done to you."_

_Oh Troy... "I'm sorry for hurting you like this."_

_"It wasn't the worst you did to me. You made me go through hell, Ella, without even realizing it. The time you were in the coma was the worst time in my life. I was at the edge of losing you. I nearly lost you more times than I can count. You stoped breathing about four times in those four months in the hospital. You chose to leave me again and again. Your heart stoped beating. They had to reanimate you in front of my eyes. I say your lifeless body getting shocked by the electricity more times than I wanted. You wanted to know why I was there and here's the real answer: I was fucking scared that you would die when I was not there. Every time I was not there, I got a call from the hospital. Each time, I left you, you left me. That's why I was by your bed 24/7. It caused Dr. Hunt to not like me, because I nearly turned into a patient as well. You had me completely trainwrecked, Gabriella. You didn't only had me love you. You made yourself be my life. In those months nothing and no one was more important than you. Even Meredith saw it. She saw it in my eyes, as she told me on our wedding day. She saw that I wasn't only loving you. She saw that you were my life. The only air I need to breath. That's the reason why she was so surprised, that Adam proposed to Sharpay before I did to you. She was a thousand percent sure that we would get married before them."_

_"Even mothers are wrong at times..."_

_"But she was more than happy when she found out that we were a couple again on Sharpay's wedding day."_

_"The day which changed our lifes forever."_

_"Nine months later we were parents."_

_"You let me touch you for the first time."_

_"You healed me."_

_End of Flashback_

* * *

**Hope you enjoyed reading it.**

**Please review.**

**Xoxo Nic**


	6. Turks and Caicos

**Chapter 6: Turks and Caicos**

Turks and Caicos.

I let the sun warm up my body as I lay on the beach. It's a wonderfull island with turquoise colored water and a white sand beach.

With my sunglasses on, I pull the envelope out of my purse.

I take out the picture first. It was taken by him.

_Flashback_

_"This place is pretty close to heaven." I say as we walk down the beach._

_"I know a place which feels just like heaven." he whispers into my ear, letting his hands wander down my arms._

_I giggle, "You should watch youself, Mr. Bolton. We're not alone at this beach."_

_He turns around and looks at our daughter, who is having fun with her new boyfriend in the ocean, Lucas. Except for them, no one is at the beach. It's a private beach. With no paparazzi._

_"Oh I believe they are way to occupied to even notice if we would disappear for a minute or two." he says before he kisses me._

_"Aren't you worried?" I ask him as we get seated on the sand._

_"About what?"_

_"About Lucas. Lucas and Alexis."_

_He sighs, "She's my girl, of course I am worried. I don't want her to get hurt. But Lucas seems like a good guy. Like one of those guys you turned me into when we met. Besides, he's wealthy enough to not care about her trust fond. He's coming from a good family. He doesn't have any family issues. I believe he's good for her."_

_The giggle of our daughter makes me smile. Seventeen or not, they seem just as in love as we are at the age of 35 and 42. _

_"I really hope he won't knock her up, though." Troy says, destroying the silence._

_"You will kick his ass if he does."_

_"No, I won't. But I want her to have a future. A future with a career. A career maybe in my company."_

_"You want her to take over your company?"_

_He shruggs, "I can't work until I die. She's very mature and she knows how to handle all the money she has. She knows how to conduct this company. She has it in her blood. Just remember how many times she held Galas. How many times she wanted to be part of a business meeting or dinner. She is going to take it over. I feel it."_

_"What if she's not ready for it when you give it to her?"_

_"She will be. And she's going to be amazing. Just like her mother." he says into my eyes before he kisses me softly. "I love you. Don't ever forget that."_

_"I love you, too. And I will never be able to forget that."_

_End of Flashback_

"You seem like you could use a drink." I hear someone saying.

I look up and see a dark blonde haired man leaning down at me. He's handing me a Pina Colada.

"Thank you." I say, taking the cocktail from him.

"I'm Kevin." he introduces himself, getting seated next to me.

"And I am married." I say, holding up my left hand. Or was.

"I know. Gabriella Bolton is your name, isn't it?"

Suddenly I wonder if Bolton is really still my name or if Montez fits a lot more... "Yes." I say and take a sip.

"I'm sorry for your loss."

"Me, too." I say and enjoy the view of the ocean. The color reminds me of his eyes. Troy's wonderfull eyes. Alexis has his eyes. His beautifull eyes, which change according to the mood.

"Anyways, if you ever want to talk about anything, here's my card." Kevin says, handing me his business card. _Oh._ Now I get it. He's a psychiatrist. Dr. Kevin Daniels.

"Thank you, Dr. Daniels. But I have other persons I can talk to."

He nodds, "There's a party tonight."

"Thank you, but I am not interested. My plane leaves tomorrow morning."

"You can't just spend one day here. It's too beautifull to not spend at least a week here."

"I'm on a mission." I say and smile politely at him. Plus, I'd like to open the letter already.

"Have a nice day, Gabriella."

"Goodbye." I say as Kevin finally leaves me alone.

I open his letter so eagerly, that I nearly rip it apart.

_I love you. Every day. _

_But I want you to let me go. Let me go and open up to someone else. I'm not asking you to forget. I am not asking you to go out and find the hottest looking guy at the bar. I'm asking you to open up for love again. At least for the love which surrounds you._

_Forever yours,_

_Troy Bolton_

Maybe I should go the party after all.

* * *

**A new chapter! Please review :)**

**Xoxo Nic**


	7. Moscow

**Chapter 7: Moscow**

The long flight over to Moscow was just what I needed to get back my beauty sleep. Living on a plane for two weeks is exhausting.

_Flashback_

_The bar is filled with men and women, dancing to the latin beat. It's a typical bar in the Turks and Caicos island. Everyone is having a good day. Enjoying the evening. _

_Carpe Diem!_

_"You're here." Kevin says grinning._

_I turn around, letting my pink dress flow in the air, "Yes."_

_"You want a drink?"_

_"A cosmopolitan would be lovely."_

_"I'll get you a Tequila shot instead." he says with a smirk._

_I smile, "That sounds fine as well."_

_"Follow me, I'd like you to meet some people." he says, taking my hand. The latin music makes me want to dance, it makes me want to feel alive again. It also makes me remember._

_"Gabriella, this is Francesco." Kevin says, introducing me to an Italian man with dark brown hair and eyes._

_I shake hands with him, "Nice to meet you."_

_"How long are you staying?" Francesco asks me in a clear Italian accent._

_"I'll get your drink." Kevin says into my ear before he leaves us alone._

_"Only this night."_

_"Are you flying back home?"_

_I shake my head, "No. I'm flying to Moscow. My last destination before I can go home."_

_"Moscow? What are your plans in Russia?"_

_I shrugg, "To remember and let go."_

_He looks confused at me, before we hear an Italian woman calling his name._

_She slaps him right away, before she starts yelling at him in Italian. Luckily the two months I have spent with Troy in the Tuscany, has taught me enough Italian that I am able to understand and answer her - or apologize._

_"How dare you betray me, you fucking bastard!" she yells at him, emphasizing her word with great gestures.  
"We were just talking! What do you except from me?! To shut my mouth whenever a beautifull woman is talking to me?!"_

_"All women are beautifull to you! Tell me why you have to flirt with every fucking woman you ever met?!"_

_"Darling I-"_

_"It wasn't his fault." I answer in perfect Italian._

_The brunette woman looks at me, her eyes are furious._

_"Kevin introduced us. He's at the bar to get us something to drink. We just talked. Nothing happened."_

_"Nothing happened, you say?! I see how he looks at you!" she screams back at me. "How he undresses you with his eyes!" _

_Luckily the music is so loud that no one hears her freaking out._

_I hold up my hand, "I'm here with my husband."_

_"Kevin's your husband?!" she asks me confused._

_"No, my husband is coming a little later. He has to work." I lie._

_She calms down immediately. "You better not be flirting with her again, Francesco!" she threatens her boyfriend._

_"I promise."_

_End of Flashback_

I look out of the window, staring right at the Red Square in Moscow. The Saint Basil's Cathedral is shining back at me. In my hands, I play with the last envelope. I take a deep breath before I open the envelope. As always, I get out the photo before I read the letter.

It's a picture of Troy, Alexis at the age of sixteen, her boyfriend Lucas and me. Shot right where I am standing. It's New Year's Eve. Fireworks are sparkling in the background. We all smile into the camera. It's our last vacation before his death.

_Flashback_

_"Thank you. It looks delicious." Troy says in fluent Russian to the waitress, who is bringing us something to eat. A typical Russian meal: Pelmeni and Pirozhki which are both filled with meat._

_Of course the waitress is blushing as soon as he locks eyes with her. Although we have grown older, the effect Troy has on women has not disappeared. If anything it grew._

_I can't help but feel jealousy making it's way into my heart as I put my hair into a messy bun. Although the new year has already started in Russia, no one is thinking of stop partying. At two a.m. the sky is still filled with fireworks._

_Troy closes the front door of the suite in the most expensive hotel in whole Russia. Then he turns around, revealing his beautifull face._

_I walk over to him in a fast speed, feeling my pulse rising with every single step I take._

_"Gabrie-" I shut him off with a passionate kiss, pressing his body against the wooden front door. He returns my kiss without protest, knowing exactly what I like. His hands move under my lace top, touching my bare skin on the back._

_I let go, "I want another child. A child with you. From you. I want another baby."_

_He smiles softly at me before he fondles my cheek, "I still don't understand why we had to order something from the roomservice now."_

_I let my hands glide down his muscular upper body, "Because you will be hungry when I am done with you."_

_"Is that a promise, Mrs. Bolton?" he asks me as I unbutton his jeans._

_I look up into his turqouise, sparkling eyes. "Oh yes, it is Mr. Bolton." I say before he kisses me passionately._

_He pulls my body closer to his, letting my hips rub against his errection. "Sixteen years of marriage and you still make me go crazy by just being in the same room with me, Mrs. Bolton. I still don't know how you do it."_

_"You still have the same effect on me, Mr. Bolton." I say in a whisper tone before he picks me up. _

_"I am so glad that we have this suite to ourselves." he says before he starts kissing my neck._

_"And I can't believe you let them take a suite for themselves."_

_"I trust our daughter. And I trust Lucas." he says into my eyes, "I see them in us. And if only I could have had you at the age of seventeen... It would have saved me so much strength to look for you. So many wrong paths..."_

_"You have me now and I'm not going anywhere." I say before I kiss him softly._

_End of Flashback_

It's the first time I nearly feel his hands on my body again. The first time I feel his presence in the room. The first time I have the feeling he is gone but yet here.

It's a feeling I will have my whole life. A life without him.

I get out the letter and open it slowly. The last letter. At least the last letter which is connected to a memory.

_You still have me and I'm not going anywhere as well, Ella. I'm right in your heart._

_Forever yours,_

_Troy Bolton_

Tears start rolling down my cheeks. Emotions I am not able to control anymore start building deep, deep inside of me. This is it. His last message. The last time I will have contact with him. My last trip with him.

I flip the letter over, as if I knew that this was not his entire message.

_Your next flight will bring you home. Home to your family._

_Home to where it all started._

* * *

**New chapter! Please review!**

**Xoxo Nic**


	8. I believe we belong together

**Chapter 8: I believe we belong together**

"I'm home!" I yell into the empty apartment. Of course Alexis is not home. She's at Yale. The new semester has already started. I'm alone.

Alone in this huge apartment. All by myself.

Without him.

I walk straight into my bedroom, where Taylor places my luggage.

"It's good to have you back, Gabriella." Taylor says smiling.

I return his smile, "I missed my home."

"We missed you as well." he says before he leaves me alone to start unpacking my stuff.

My cellphone starts ringing right away as soon as I switched it on. I have two messages on my mailbox.

_"Hi Gabi, it's me." _Sharpay. _"Listen, give me a call as soon as you're in Manhattan again, alright? I'd like to talk to you."_

With worry in my eyes I look at the display, before I hear the second message.

_"Mom, it's me."_ I hear Alexis saying. She's crying. What the hell has happened while I was gone? _"Listen, I have no idea how to tell you and I... Gosh, I really don't want you to freak out, alright? I mean, this is... God, I know I should have told you ealier and I'm so sorry. For everything. For you know, what I'm trying to say is-"_ then the line dies.

With wide eyes I stare into space for a second before I start dialing my daughter's number. Whatever happened has thrown her out of her routine. Something she hates - she has that from her father.

_"Mom, hi."_ she says into the phone. Her voice is shaky.

"Alexis, what's wrong?"

_"H-How was your trip?"_

"You really want to know how my trip is?!" I nearly hiss at her.

_"Y-Yes. Please..." _she beggs me.

"It was... healing." I answer in one sentence. "It was just what I needed. Alexis, what has happened?"

I hear her taking a deep breath on the other line, _"Don't hate me, Mom. Please, don't hate me. You're all I have left."_

"Alexis, I could never hate you. You are my daughter. I'm always going to love you and be there for you. No matter what happened. No matter what you did. I'll always have your back. I love you." I try to calm her down. What the hell is going on? Did she kill someone?!

_"I am pregnant, Mom."_ she answers in one breath.

I am too shocked to say anything.

_"Mom, please say something."_

"_What_?!" I ask her shocked. My eightteen year old daughter is pregnant! How did she... "Is it.. Is it Lucas' child?"

_"Of course it is."_ she says, as if those words would calm me down.

"How could you let this happen?! How far are you?" God, I can't believe that I am talking to my daughter about her pregnancy! Her fucking pregnancy!

_"Fifth week."_

"So that's why you acted so weird lately... What did Lucas say?"

_"He wants me to undo it."_

I am silent. Maybe this would be the best. For our family. For Lucas. For me. For my daughter. "Do you want to?"

_"I don't know! I don't know what to do, Mom! I can't have a child! I am still a child myself!" she says before she breaks down in tears._

"Shhh, Alexis, everything is going to be fine." I say, letting my body lean against the cold wall in the bedroom. Then I let my body sink to the floor. "I'm here for you."

_"Mom, I don't know how it happened! We were safe! We always used protection. There was not a single time we forgot it. I just... enjoyed myself and now boom." she says sobbing, "I don't know what to do. Please tell me what to do."_

I sigh, "I can't. You have to make this decision yourself. Have you already been at Dr. Montgomery's office?"

_"Yes. I was there yesterday. She said everything is fine with the... the thing."_

I can't help but grin. _Thing_. Troy had called our daughter a _thing_ once as well. Gosh, how much I miss him... "Where are you now?"

_"I'm at the apartment in New Haven. After all, I need to start focussing... Mom, this is all too much for me. This pregnancy and Daddy giving me his company is... it's too much. I can't take it."_

"Do you want me to come over?" I ask her slowly.

_"No. I'll be fine."_

"Honey, you are pregnant. If you decide to keep my grandchild, you won't be fine any time soon."

_"He has broken up with me, you know."_

"Lucas did what?!"

_"He said that I must've betrayed him. He didn't believe me when I told him otherwise. God, how could this all have happened?! Now I'm all alone and pregnant. The child's father is probably already fucking the next stupid virgin."_

I sigh, "You are not alone. You have me. You have Sharpay. You have a whole family who has your back. You sure, you don't want me to come over?"

_She sobbs, "No. I'll come by this weekend."_

"Okay..." I say.

_"Could you... Could you maybe tell me how Daddy took it when you were pregnant with me? Did it, you know ruin your life?"_

"Darling, you did anything but ruin my life. You turned it upside down. But then again your father turned my world upside down as well when I met him. I fell for him instanly. It was this connection which made me go crazy about him from the very first second. He was... He was such a playboy. I mean, yes he did freak out a _little bit_ when I told him that I was pregnant, especially at a time in which everything was little too much. Unlike you we weren't safe. But then again, the chance for a pregnancy for me were beneath 5%. Getting pregnant was a miracle."

_"What do you think he'd say if he knew what is daughter is currently carring?"_

I laugh, "He wouldn't freak out."

_"Really?!"_

"We talked about it when we were at our first vacation with Lucas. He said that he trusts you. You and Lucas."

_"I miss him so much."_

"I know and I miss him as well. But you know what? He will never leave us. He's always going to be with us. In our hearts he's immortal."

_"Oh god, I feel sick."_ Alexis says before she hungs up.

I stare into space for minutes until I rise from the floor. My daughter is pregnant. Pregnant with Lucas' child. Woah. This could change her life forever. Their lifes. Our lifes. Our family.

* * *

After an hour, I am done with unpacking. I pull the hair tie out of my hair as I walk into the bathroom, to get a long hot shower. My heart doesn't feel as heavy as it felt two weeks ago. This trip... his trip with me... healed me. It made me want to go on with my life. I met the love of my life. Something a lot of people are never able to have.

I let the hot water touch my skin before I close my eyes.

I feel like I've come home. Not only my body feels at home, but my heart and my mind as well. I am whole again.

* * *

I towel dry my hair before I walk back into bedroom. It's only now that I notice the letter on my nightstand. His last letter.

I sit down on the bed, before I take it into my hands. It will be the last words I'll ever read from him. His last message. His last... Our last moment.

I carefully unfold the envelope and get out the letter. This time, there are no photos. And it's not even a letter. It's a simple card.

_I will be forever yours. You are the love of my life._

I feel the tears building up in my eyes again. No, I don't want to cry. I've cried too many times already. I've given him more tears than I could ever produce. And then a tears drops on the card. It touches the word _life_ and smudges it.

Oh God, no! I ruined his last words!

I wipe away the tear, smuding the word even more until it's nearly invisible.

I let the towel around my head fall on the bed before I walk into the walk in closet to get dressed in a simple shirt and sweatpants. I realize that his clothes are still here.

I get out the suitcases I used and place his clothes into it. Trouser by trouser, shirt by shirt, jacket by jacket, I pack away his life in suitcases. His whole life fits into only three suitcases. It's kind of weird. He has only left me his clothes. I wonder what I should do with them? We don't have a son. We only have Alexis. A second pregnancy was not possible for me. I couldn't get pregnant another time.

I pull the suitcases behind me out of the bedroom. Each by each, I pull his things out of our bedroom. I'm letting go. Letting go of him.

Maybe I should place them into the cellar. That seems like a place his stuff could spend some time at. I have no idea what to do. All I know is that I am a widow.

A widow who is letting go of her husband.

As I push the last suitcase in front of the elevator, I notice that someone is hear.

I carefully walk down the long thin hallway, awaking my scenes right away. My nose notices a smell right away. His smell. Probably coming from his clothes.

I brush through my still wet hair was I walk through the living room. I stop as I see a figure standing in front of the window. He's facing me with his back.

I eyeball him right away. The man is wearing a dark washed jeans, no shoes and a plain white shirt. Every single cloth is dirty. Who is he? "I'm sorry, Sir, but this is a private property. Unless you're not a member of the family or the private service, you're not allowed to be here." I say in the most polite way to kick him out. Who the hell let him in?! And why the hell didn't anyone inform me?!

He turns around and I feel my breath getting stuck in my lungs.

That body...Those lips... Those cheeks... That eyes. "Troy?!" I ask him shocked.

"Is that my name?" the man asks me back, "because I think this is my apartment. Are you my wife?" he asks me, holding up his left hand. His golden wedding band is sparkling in the sunlight. "I believe we belong together."

* * *

**A new chapter!**

**There are five chapters left of this story. Please review!**

**Xoxo Nic**


	9. Don't go running after what you want

**Chapter 9: Don't go running after what you want**

I bury my face in my hands before I take a deep breath. I'm sitting in a corridor. A corridor of Bolton's hospital.

I feel a hand on my back, "How are you?"

I reveal my face to my best friend. A face somewhere between tears and joy. "He doesn't remember."

She pulls me in a hugg, "I know... But he's alive."

"He doesn't remember me. He remembers Kelsi, Adam, William, Meredith and Mark... and you. But not me. He has no idea who the woman he is married to is. He doesn't-"

"Mom!" I hear Alexis yelling and I lift my head up.

"Alexis," I breath out, rising from the plastic chair.

"Where is he? Where's Daddy?" she asks me anxiously. In exactly this moment, Meredith walks out of his room. I see him laying on the hospital bed, talking to Kelsi and Adam. He's laughing, probably telling some old story.

"Alexis," Meredith breaths out before she quickly closes the door behind herself.

"Is he in there? Is my father in there?!"

"Yes, but listen to me-" before she can say any more word, Alexis already storms into the room.

She tears the door open and stops as soon as she sees him. He doesn't react to the figure of his daughter. Why should he? To him, she's a stranger. Just like I am.

But she doesn't know that he can't remember. She throws her arms around his upper body, like she would never let him go again.

"Oh god, I missed you so much!" she says, letting her tears fall on his shirt.

He stares confused at Kelsi and Adam. He doesn't make the connection to me. Or to himself. To him this is a stranger. His own daughter.

"I'm sorry, but are you my daughter?" he asks her as soon as she releases him from her tight hugg.

"Excuse me?!" she asks him shocked. "What the hell is going on?!" she asks us all, scanning each family member. "Kelsi?"

She remains silent. She looks down. No, she doesn't dare to tell her what is going on. She has always been the coward in our family.

"Uncle Adam?" she asks him.  
He bites on his lip.

"Could anybody tell me what the hell is going on!" she yells so loudy, I wouldn't wonder if whole Manhattan has heard her.

"Alexis, please calm down." Sharpay urges her, "It's not good for the baby."

"The _what_?!" Everyone asks Sharpay.

"Upps."

I brush through my locks, "Alexis," I start.

"Wait, is my... is this woman who appearantly is my daughter, pregnant?!" Troy asks confused. Then his eyes meet mine. I can read clearly what he is thinking right now: _You raised a whore._

I look away. I did not of course. But I can't believe he's already judging her. Judging me. Judging his family.

"What the hell is wrong with him?! Did he had a trauma or something?!" she yells again.

"Katherine..." I start, walking over to her. "He forgot."

"He what?"

"He forgot us, honey."

"But he remembers aunt Kelsi! And uncle Adam! And Meredith!" Alexis starts arguing.

I nodd, "Yes... But I-"

"How could you forget us?!" she yells at him shocked. "We're your fucking family! This woman is your fucking wife! This woman is your _wife_! Your wife, for Christ's sake! And I am your daughter! Your own flesh and blood."

Troy remains silent. He doesn't know the answer himself. If only he knew... "You're clearly are a beautifull woman, but I have no idea who you are." he says in his business voice. Out of the sudden he's wearing his mask again. He mask he took off nineteen years ago is now hiding his true feelings again.

"You're kidding me, right?!" she asks him shocked.

"Okay everyone, out!" Meredith says.

"You can't kick us out! We're his family!" Alexis argues.

"Yes, that's exactly why you all need to go out. Family conference in the hallway!" Meredith demands in a stiff voice.

"Bye Kels, bye Adam!" Troy says grinning as Meredith closes the door behind us all. He enjoys provoking us. Gosh, he isn't himself anymore... Although he kind of is. The self he was before we met. The arrogant, provokive, superficial self. The self he let go when we met. The self which I thought didn't exist anymore. The self his daughter doesn't know.

"Tell me you can fix him, grandma." Alexis beggs her.

She smiles sadly, "I am sorry, but I can't bring back his memory. If there were a medicament which could do that I would have given it to him before you arrived. But I can't, I'm sorry."

"And what should we do now?" I ask her helplessly.

"Will it go away?"

"I believe it's only temporary. Show him some pictures, maybe that will help."

"Oh god not now!" Alexis mumbles before she grabs the grabbage to throw up into it.

"You really are pregnant." Kelsi says shocked as Alexis is done.

"Oh you think I'm lieing?!" she snaps at her.

Kelsi shruggs, "You lied before."

"But not about a fucking pregnancy!" she yells at her.

"Alexis!" I hiss at her.

"But I'm not the topic of this conversation. I want my Daddy back." she says before her teary eyes focus Meredith again.

"I know, honey... But only time can help us now."

"When are we able to bring him home?" I ask her.

"I'd like to have him for at least one night here. He was a little dehydraded. Did he tell you how he got here?"

"No..."

_Flashback_

"H-How is this possible?" I ask slowly, still not moving an inch. Suddenly breathing seems to be impossible. My lungs are burning. How the hell is this possible?!

He is dead! _Dead_!

The distance is keeping us apart. A distance I need to think clearly. A distance to make sure I am not dreaming. I've let him go. And now he comes running back to me. Am I dreaming? Did I fell asleep while unpacking?!

He is silent. He just eyeballs me. Me in my dark grey sweatpants and a simple white shirt. An outfit which has nothing glamorously. Yet his eyes scan me as if I was wearing the most beautiful dress he has ever seen. As if I was wearing my wedding dress.

"Answer me!" I yell at him, unable to hide the tears which are starting to form in my eyes. So he's doing it again. Ripping me apart and healing me at the same time. A fucking effect only he has on me.

His eyes stop and stare into my dark brown orbs, which are filled with tears. His face doesn't react. He shows no sorrow. No emotion at all. "I don't know what you're talking about. What's your name?"

My eyes reflect his confused look, before I feel anger building inside of me. "Who am I?! Are you fucking kidding me?!" I yell at him. "Don't you dare try to play with me once more, Troy!"

His face remains lifelessly. Yet he emobies pure perfection. Then he starts walking towards me. It's the first time I notice his dirty feet. Feet with lots of hard skin and cuts. Some have healed, others not.

"How did you get here?" I ask him slowly, making him stop in the middle.

His glance follows mine - right to his feet. "I walked."

_End of Flashback_

"He told us he walked." Kelsi says in a whisper.

"Walk?!" Alexis asks her shocked. "You mean as in... by feet?!"

Adam nodds, embracing Sharpay from behind. "His jet crushed a few hundret miles before New York. He met a group of a religiously group, who doesn't use any technology. They had no idea who he was. He had no idea who he was."  
"How did he find out?"

"He went to the beach one day. Roughly a week after the crash. Someone had left a newspaper on a stone. He picked it up and remembered as soon as he saw a picture of himself."

"Everyone but us." Alexis says in a stiff voice. The same voice as Troy.

"Yes. The family who gave him a shelter, didn't have any money. Troy didn't have any ID card or credit card... That's why he walked. And it took him a very long time to finally be here."

"Why didn't he get caught by the paparazzi?" Alexis asks.

"You didn't see him. He didn't look like he does now. Even I didn't recognize him at first." I answer, my eyes focused on the man who's laying in the bed. My husband. A husband who doesn't know me. His wife.

_Flashback_

He has a beard. A really heavy beard. He has never worn a beard, I think as my eyes slowly start seeing his complete figure. He has lost a lot of weight. He seems to be just bones. He looks unhealthy. His face has cuts. Healed cuts. Scares. "W-What do you mean, you _walked_?!" I ask him confused.

He shruggs, before he passes me. "Have you changed the interior?"

"I'm sorry?" I ask him surprised.

"The kitchen used to be white. As well as the rest of the living area."

My chin falls down. It had been white once. It was white when we met. Nineteen years ago. "You're not joking." I breath out.

He eyeballs me with a satisfied grin on his lips, "It could have been worse." he says to me. "You don't seem half-bad."

"WHAT?!" I snapp at him as he walks down the thin hallway. "Where are you going?"

"Cleary I need a shower..." he doesn't even know my name.

He doesn't remember me. Oh my god! He has no idea who I am. I wonder if he remembers Alexis...

"What's your name, wife?" he asks, talking down to me.

_Wife?! _"Gabriella." I whisper.

He nodds, "It's a nice name." he says before he disappears in the bathroom.

I let my body sink down on my knees. He doesn't remember me. He probably doesn't remember Alexis. He forgot us. His family.

_End of Flashback_

* * *

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**Xoxo Nic**


	10. You want me, but I don't want you

**Chapter 10: You want me, but I don't want you**

"I think I deserve an update." he says, sitting down next to me on the dark red couch.

It's been three hours since we got home. Alexis had to drive back to Yale, she has a test coming up in a week. The Boltons/Sloanes/Greys left us alone. Alone to come... home. A home he doesn't know. A home filled with pictures of us. Of memories. Memories he doesn't have anymore.

I look away from the fireplace and place the crystal glas with white wine on the table.

"Is that a Pouilly Fumé?"

I nodd, "What would you like to know?"

He shruggs, before his eyes eyeball me. "Have you always drunken wine?"

I shake my head, before letting my body rest against the back of the couch. "You started it. Nearly Nineteen years ago, you suggested this wine."

He nodds, "I thought so."

I arch an eyebrow at him, "What do you mean?"

"I use this wine to make women drunk." he says simply, "It's a typical wine for the first date. A date for either a restaurant or my apartment. Where was our first date?"

"Here."

"That means I must've liked you a lot. More than anyone else before you." he says and frowns, "Which is not very typicall of me. I usually use this wine in a restaurant..."

"I was different." I say simply, "You want a glas as well?"

He shakes his head, "No. I don't even like that kind of wine."

"Seriously?" I ask him surprised. "You just wanted sex from me that night!"

His lips form a tiny grin, "Well, seems like you are able to read me pretty well."

"We've been married for eightteen years, I think I should know you by now."

"I feel like I don't know you at all." he says to me, his eyes are capturing my glance.

His bright blue eyes stare into mine. He looks at me as if he could remember. But he doesn't. "Did it work?"

I stare back at him confused.

"The wine."

"Oh, yes it did." I say with a smirk, "And how it worked..." I say with a giggle.

"When did I tell you about..."

"Oh about you being a former polyamorist?"

"Yes." he says in a stiff voice.

"The same night. With the contract of course."

He nodds.

"What?"

"Nothing... I just... I guess you must've charmed me from the beginning. How did we meet?"

"I held an interview with you for the Yale Daily News. I did the interview because Sharpay was sick on that day..." I say and giggle, "I jumped on your shoe that day because you scared me... I was under youe spell right away. Guess, you've charmed me from the beginning as well." I say with a shrugg.

"How long did we know each other before we got married?"

"A little more than a year."

"Where did we get married?"

"On Monti Fleur. We spend our honeymoon on your island..." I say and lift myself to get the picture of our wedding day from the fireplace.

I hand him the picture and he stares at it for a minute or two. Trying to remember. Remember our day. "Do you remember anything?"

"No." he says before he places the picture on the table. "Guess pictures don't help."

I bite on my lip, "I have no idea how awfull you must feel."

"I've forgotten the past nineteen years of my life. All I know is that I am married. Married to a woman I can't remember. To a woman I have a child with. A child who is currently expecting another child. It seems to be an awfull lot I forgot."

I grin.

"What?"

"It has always been an awfull lot to the others... But to us it was normality. This is how our life was. A rollercoaster ride. A very fast rollercoaster ride..." I say with a shrugg.

"How can you be so calm about all of this? I would have freaked out if I were in your position." he says, brushing through his sandy brown hair.

I smile softly at him, "I'm just happy you're alive."

"What if my memories won't come back?"

I shrugg, "We'll make new memories."

"What if I don't want to be married to you?"

I gulp, "Do you?"

He shruggs, "I don't know."

"But if you decide to not want to be married to me anymore then I guess we'll get a divorce."

"Do we have a marriage contract?"

"No."

He nodds, already knowing what that means.

"But I would only keep my money of course."

"Of course..." he echos me, capturing me with his glance once more. "You're a beautifull woman. You were a beautifull wife. But I don't remember you. Neither do I remember our daughter."

I nodd, "I know."

"I feel like I have to apologize for it. For something I can't change. Something I didn't do. Something which just happened to me."

"There's no need to apologize. You did nothing wrong." I say and sigh.

"Were we happy? I am as a married couple... as parents?"

I shrugg, "Sometimes we were. Sometimes we weren't. We had tough times. We had happy times."

"Did we love each other?"

"More than anyone else. Well anyone except for our daughter."

"Did we try to have more than one child?"

I nodd, "But I couldn't get pregnant a second time. Alexis is a miracle. I had leukemia as a child and the chemo killed nearly all of my eggs. I had a 5% chance to get pregnant. And it happened by accident."

He is silent for a minute or two. Digesting the news, I guess. "We weren't safe?"

I smile, "I wasn't safe. It was my mistake."

"It wasn't a mistake. She seems to have turned out into a wonderfull woman."

"And it's been a long way until now..." I say and smile. "We had a lot of arguments because of her."

"Who is the father of her child?"

"Lucas. Her boyfriend for about three years now."

"Do we like it?"

"You like him very much. I was a little sceptical when we met him. But you... you trust him. You told me once, that you're not afraid that he would knock her up. Because they are exactly like we were. You said, if you could have had me when you were seventeen it would have saved you a lot of wrong paths. A lot of pain."

"I must really love you."

I shrugg.

"What if I will meet another woman?"

I arch an eyebrow at him. Why is he asking me those kind of questions? "You mean if you decide to start dating?"

He nodds, "I have no emotional connection to you. To me, you're a stranger. To me you're just a woman. A beautifull woman, but yet a woman... When I look at you I feel nothing. No love."

My breath gets stuck. _No love_. _I feel nothing_. "I... So you do want a divorce."

"I believe that would be best."

"Best for you or your family?"

"I have no family. Emotionally, I am a bachelor."

"But physically, you are married _and_ have a family!" I start arguing with him. What the hell has gotten into him?!

"This, " he says holding up his left hand, "means nothing to me. Don't you understand?"

"It means _everything_ to me!" I say before I get up. "I can't believe you don't even want to _try_ to remember!"

"I am trying, okay?! But it doesn't work!"

"So you think asking me questions would help you remember the past nineteen years?! You won't remember so fastly, Troy! This ain't a movie!" I yell at him.

He looks surprised at me. Then he frowns. "This ain't a movie." he echoes me.

"Yes." I agree, a little confused.

"This ain't a movie and this is not our happy ending." he says to me, his eyes seem a little shocked.

"Are you... are you remembering something?"

His eyes turn black. "Nothing with you, sadly."

"What do you remember?"

"I remember her."

_Her_?! Who the hell is he- Oh my God. "Sasha." I breath out, letting my body sink on the couch again.

"Yes." he says looking into my eyes. "What's my relationship with her?"

"There is none."

"None? But I... I loved her."

_He what_?! "You what?!" I ask him back shocked.

"In college... At Yale. I loved her. I fell for her instantly. Fell for her beauty..." he says and smiles. It's a dreamy smile. A smile he usually only gives me.

I feel my heart breaking into a thousand pieces. He loved her. Sasha. He loved Sasha. "You...You never told me you loved her."

"What happened between me and Sasha?"

"You never had her, or at least that's what you told me. She's the one who turned you into a..."

"A Polyamorist?"

"Yes. But you gave that up. Your lifestyle. As soon as you met me. You changed. For me. Because of me. Because I couldn't be with you. But you wanted to be with me. So badly, that-"

"That I let Sasha go." he finishes my sentence.

I nodd. "We met her at Meredith's New Year's Eve party in 2012. She called me a hoe. Months later I told you that and-"

"I kicked her out of my life. Completely out of my life."

"You remember?"  
"No. But it seems logical."

"Oh."

"I mean, the love I felt for you must've gone beyond words if I did what I did. I did everything for you. To keep you. To love and cherish you."

"But you don't love me now."

"No, I don't. I also have no idea who you turned me into. You turned me into one of these men I never wanted to me. You made me live monogamic. You made me have a child. You made me want to marry you. You destroyed me!" he says in an angry voice before rising from the couch. "You destroyed my life! You destroyed everything!"

"Destroyed you?! I never did anything to hurt you! I didn't ask for this!" I yell back, yet feeling the tears forming in my eyes.

"I want you out of my apartment."

"What?! You can't kick me out of the apartment. This is _our_ home!"

"It is my home. Not your's. And I want you out. Immediately!" he yells pointing at the hallway. "NOW!" he screams, his eyes are pure black. He wants to scare me?! He doesn't scare me. Not anymore. Not after all we've been through.

"No." I say simply, before rising as well.

"You want me to call Taylor to kick you out?"

"Taylor won't touch me. And he also won't listen to you. He will listen to me. And you want to know why? Because I am not the one who forgot the last nineteen years of my life." I say back to him.

"Eightteen years of marriage must've teached you a lot."

I shrugg, "It taught me enough to stand up for myself when I have to."

"Okay, well if you won't leave I will." he says before walking pass me.

"You don't even want to try to be a family again, do you?!" I yell back at him.

He pushes the button and waits for the elevator to come. Then he turns around. "Exactly." he says before walking into the elevator.

* * *

**New chapter :) Please review.**

**Xoxo Nic**


	11. Unable to feel you

**Chapter 11: Unable to feel you**

"Okay, what happened?" Sharpay asks me as she pours in hot water into my tea cup. Her tiny baby bump is growing day by day, week by week.

I watch the tea bag changing the color of the hot water, "I lost him."

"Oh honey..." she says before getting seated next to me. "I'm sure he'll come around."

I shake my head, "No. We're going to get a divorce and he will see Alexis every second week. That's how it's going to end."

"Your Cinderella Story won't end like this. Even Cinderella had her happy ending."

"This ain't a fucking fairytale."

She bites on her lip. "What happened when you guys went home?"

"We didn't talk the whole way from the hospital to our apartment. We didn't talk when we walked into the apartment. He didn't say anything. He just kept staring at me. Eyeballing me."

"The sexy, Troy Bolton kind of way?"

"No, the I have no idea who the heck you are kind of way."

"Oh."

"Hours later I opened a bottle of Poly Fumé and sat down on the couch in the living room. I don't know how to deal with this. This situation. I don't know how to react to him. How to handle this. Handle him. He is clearly not the man I fell in love with. He is himself. The self he was before we met. This arrogant, superficial man who cares about nothing but sex and women."

"Did you guys talk?"

"He started asking me questions..."

"What kind of questions?"

"How we met, when we got married... all that jazz."

"And then?"

"Then he asked me what I would do if he started dating other women."

"...No!"

"Yes."

"What was your answer?"

"I can't forbid it. He doesn't know who I am. And he made that clear. So clear."

"How?"

"He... He start yelling at me. He wanted to scare me. But he's unable to scare me. Not anymore. He wanted to kick me out. Out of my own apartment."

"Is that why you're here?"

"I won't leave. I've made that clear. So he left me. Just like that. He left me. I asked him if he even wanted to try to work this out. He said no. Not in this life, I guess."

"Where did he go?"

"To Sasha I assume." I say with a shrugg.

"Sasha? You mean the blonde goddess?"

"The one and only."

"But why would he go running to her?"

"Because he loves her, Shar." I say before taking a sip of the hot tea.

"WHAT?!"

"He fell in love with her at Yale. During his first college year, I assume."

"Wait, what? How... I thought he... "

"He told me that. He told me he loves her. That this love is the reason why he turned into a polyamorist. To be with her. To get distracted from the urge to be with her. To get away from her."

"And then he met you."

I nodd, "And then he met me. Someone he must've loved beyond words, he said. Someone who destroyed him. Made him want to live monogamic. Made him want to marry me. Made him want to have a child. I destroyed his life. I destroyed him, Shar." I say into her chocolate brown eyes.

"He's just mad."

"Mad? No he's speaking the truth! The truth his arrogant, superficial self thinks. If I were him, I'd say the same. Exactly the same."

"But you... you changed him! Made him better!"

"I changed him. I forced him into... into a life he doesn't want. A life with me. And Alexis."

"He'll come around."

"He won't. Because he doesn't remember. And he won't remember. Pictures don't help. Memories I tell him don't help. Nothing helps."

"Maybe time will help..."

"How much time should I give him? How much time can I give a man who doesn't love me?"

"He loves you. He just doesn't know it yet."

I laugh, "I am a stranger to him. He said that I am a beautifull woman, but emotionally he is still a bachelor. That our wedding bands mean nothing to him. He is not married to me."

She hugs me softly, "Your life is anything but easy."

"When has it ever been easy, Shar..." I say before sighing. "I think I have to let him go."

"He is the love of your life, Gabi."

I nodd, "That's the reason why I have to let him go."

"But you _are_ the love of his life."

"I was. For nearly two decades I was. But I am not anymore."

I drink out the red wine with one gulp, before I place the empty glass on the piano in front of me. Then I sit on the music stool and let my fingers glide over the keys. I haven't been in this room since Mr. Trancy read out his will.

I take a deep breath, before I let my fingers transform my feelings into notes.

_On the first page of our story_

_The future seemed so bright_

_Then this thing turned out so evil_

_I don't know why I'm still surprised_

_Even angels have their wicked schemes_

_And you take that to new extremes_

_But you'll always be my hero_

_Even though you've lost your mind_

_Just gonna stand there and watch me burn_

_But that's all right because I like the way it hurts_

_Just gonna stand there and hear me cry_

_But that's all right because I love the way you lie_

_I love the way you lie, oh, I love the way you lie_

"You have a nice voice." I hear his voice saying before I stop playing.

I turn my head around and see him leaning against the door frame.

"And you're still here." he adds before he starts walking over to me.

"Just like you."

"When did I turn this room into... _this_?!" he asks, looking around.

"A couple of months after we started dating. I was in a coma for about four months and when I woke up you showed me this room. You said you wanted me to feel homely..."

"Is that your passion? The music, I mean."

"It's not just my passion. It's my job."

"You're a singer?"

I smile and shake my head, "I'm a songwriter."

"Mhm... yeah that explains it. Do you play the violine?"

"Yes." I say my glance following his to the violine. "You bought me that."

"A Stradivari and a Giuseppe Guarneri..."

I nodd, "Yes."

Then he smiles. "I had to call a lot of persons to get my hands on them..."

"You remember?"

"Not much." he explains with a shrugg, "I remember chasing them like they were both felons... It took me two weeks to get them. I wasted two weeks of my life for them. Two weeks to make you happy. To make someone happy I don't remember." he says into my eyes. "Someone who refuses to leave me."

"Because I love you. With or without your memories, I will always love you." I say into his eyes.

"You love someone who doesn't know who you are." he says getting seated next to me on the music stool. "How long will you stick around?"

"Until you remember."

"What if I will never remember?"

I shrugg, "I don't know."

"What if I will give you the divorce papers? Would you sign?"

"Why do you keep asking me those questions?"

He shruggs, "Because they're possibilities which could happen."

"Are you trying to scare me?"

"Maybe."

"It's not working. You can't scare me. And you can't hurt me. Not anymore."

"I wish I could do something which helps me remember."

"Do you even want to remember?"

He shruggs, "For your sake, yes. For my sake, not so much."

"So you feel exactly nothing when you look at me?"

He rolls his eyes, "I don't feel nothing, Gabriella."

_Gabriella_. It's the first time he said my name. "What do you feel?"

"Attraction." he says simply, his eye glistering back at me.

I nodd. "Where were you?"

"I was with Sasha."

I nodd again.

"Don't you like to know what I did with her?"

"No."

"Why? Are you afraid of the answer?"

"I'm not afraid of what you will say. I just don't want to hear it."

"Hear what? That I slept with her?"

"Yes."

"Well I did."

I nodd.

"Don't you want to know what I feel now?"

I shake my head.

"You have nothing to say?"

"No."

"Aren't you mad?"

"No."

"Do you feel pain?"

"No."

"Why?"

"Because you don't know who I am. If you did, you never would have even spend a thought on her. This... state of mind you have right now, is your ticket out. Your ticket for a marriage free life. Enjoy it."  
"So you would sign the divorce papers if I gave them to you."

I shrugg. "I don't know."

He nodds. "Why don't you react to what I did?"

"You already have the answer."

"You should freak out."

"Why? Because that would show you how much I love you and how much you've hurt me?"

"Yes."

"I won't freak out. I don't freak out easily." I say before I rise from the chair.

He grabs my wrist and pulls me back until I land on his lap.

"What are you doing?"

"Testing you." he says into my eyes. His lips are _so close_.

"Did I pass or fail?"

* * *

**A new chapter :) Please review!**

**Xoxo Nic**


	12. A try

**Chapter 12: A try**

"I don't feel the urge to kiss you." he says into my eyes.

"You used to feel it. I saw it in your eyes. And I don't see it now. The magic, which surrounded us has disappeared." I say back, before touching his cheek.

"I don't love you."

"You don't scare me, Troy."

"I wish I could be without you." he says into my eyes. "But part of me can't exist without you. The part which remembers. Deep inside of me, I know it exists."

_Part of me can't exist without you._ "Okay..." I whisper into his eyes.

"But I'd like to be able to live without that part. To..."

"To prove to yourself that you are still you. That you did not change because of me. That I did not destroy you." I finish his sentence.

"Yes." he says before brushing a strand of hair away from my face. "I know why I married you. Although I can't remember you, I know exactly why I married you."

"Why?"

"Because you are kind. You will never leave me and you love me more than your heart can take."

I stare into his blue eyes. His bright blue eyes... "You still haven't answered my question. Did I pass or fail your test?"

He shruggs, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" I ask him confused. Suddenly his lips touch mine. Lips I haven't felt against mine since months. I return his kiss and brush through his sandy brown hair.

"You're a good kisser." he says after he let go.

I stare at him confused, trying to figure him out. Him and his weird actions.

"Don't try to figure me out, Ella."

"What?!" I ask him shocked. Did he just say _Ella_?!

"That's what I call you, don't I?"

"You _remember_?" I ask him surprised.

He smiles, "I remember calling you that. A lot of times. I also remember calling you Gabriella when we fought."

I grin, "We fought a lot of times."

He shakes his head, "We fought when it was neccessary."

I arch an eyebrow at him. "Do you-"

"No. But I know that you don't start fights just like that. Not with you." he says before he kisses me again.

"Are you kissing me because it helps you remember or because you want to kiss me?" I say, touching my lips.

"Why do you care?"

"I rather want you to kiss me to remember than kiss me just to kiss me." I say into his eyes.

"Don't you enjoy kissing me?"

"That's out of the question." I answer back.

"Why don't you kiss me then?" he asks me slowly, placing his forehead against mine.

I close my eyes.

"Answer me."

I open my eyes again and stare into his bright blue orbs. "Because if I start, I won't stop." I say before silence starts filling the room.

He doesn't say anything. Doesn't do anything. He just stares back into my eyes. For minutes, we stay in this position. Minutes of just staring each other in the eyes. Into our souls. Our healed, yet somehow broken, souls.

"I didn't enjoy it." he says into my eyes, "I used to enjoy sleeping with other women. But knowing that I am married to you, seeing the ring while I slept with Sasha... I did not enjoy it. I know that I used to really enjoy having women around me. All kinds of women. Although I don't remember you and the feelings which are bonded to... to well this." he says taking my left hand, "I still feel like I am cheating on you. In a twisted kind of way, I do feel sorry. Sorry for forgetting you. For not remembering. For sleeping with Sasha. For forgetting us." he says into my eyes.

"So you don't want a divorce?" I ask him, fighting the urge to kiss him by biting my lip.

He shruggs, "I'll give it a try. Us a try." he says smiling, "And stop biting your lip, please."

"Why?"

"Because as I remember, that used to turn me on _very badly_." he whispers into my ear.

I close my eyes, enjoying the feeling he is giving me. The goosebumps. The heartrace. Everything.

"Ella..."

I open my eyes and look at him, scan his features. "I want you to be you again."

"I am myself." he says before I get off of his lap.

"I want you to be you with me." I say with a shrugg, before I walk over to the french windows.

"I try very hard to be that."

I turn around and watch him rise from the music stool as well, "And that's the problem. You try too hard. You try to remember, instead of just letting me help you remember."

"Didn't we try all the conventional ways?"

I nodd as I watch him walk over to me, "But our relationship is anything but conventional, Troy. It has never been conventional, frankly."

"What are you trying to tell me?" he says, stopping in front of me.

I bite my lip before I kiss him passionately. He returns my kiss, placing his hands around my hips. Gosh, I missed his touch. Missed feeling him so close to me. I missed everything about my husband. A husband who still doesn't remember me.

Out of the sudden he lets go.

"What?" I ask him before his fingertips touch my swollen lips.

"Our first kiss was in a hallway of an apartment building, wasn't it?"

I slowly nodd.

"You had just graduated."

"And I blabbered. You shut me off with a kiss."

He nodds, "Yes. I remember feeling a very strong urge to kiss you. Ever since we met at the interview. In my office. In 2012."

"You remember..."

"Parts of us, yes. Unimportant parts."

"But you _remember._" I say smiling before I feel his lips touching mine again. It's a passionate kiss. A kiss, I missed. A kiss which makes me lose myself.

* * *

"August 27th in 2013." he says as we both stare at the ceiling. We're still trying to catch our breaths, both bodies are covered in sweat. We both just came back from paradise.

"What?" I ask him breathlessly, letting my eyes wander over to him. Gosh, he looks beyond hot.

He looks at me, arching an eyebrow. "You don't remember?"

I shake my head, "I have no idea what you're talking about."

He smiles, "You don't have to. It wasn't an important day."

"Yet you seem to remember it. Why don't you tell me what you remember of this day?"

He lays down on his left side, so he can see me properly. "I remember coming home. Home to you. To our daughter. To my family."

I smile softly as I watch his orbs change color. From a crystal blue to a turqouise color.

"You fell asleep on the couch. On the dark red buckskin couch. On your chest laid our daughter. She slept as well. You held her with your left hand. Your engagenment and wedding ring were sparkling in the lights from the fireplace. It was an epic picture. Both of my women sleeping on one couch. In my home. My family... You couldn't even remember it. " he says smiling, "On the table next to the couch laid a napkin, a bottle of water and a pacifier... I think I even took a picture of you."

"You had absolutely no premission to do that." I say, frowning.

"I know how much you hate taking pictures. But that was too cute to not take." he says before he kisses me softly. "It's my screensaver at work, by the way."

I hit him lightly right away, making him chuckle. "Seems like the sex does help you to remember..."

"Oh it would be such a shame if it doesn't..." he says before his lips find mine again. I return his kiss, unable to resist him. Resist my husband. My husband who starts to remember. Piece for piece... Moment for moment... Memory for memory he starts remembering his life. His life with me. With us. With his family.

* * *

**The next chapter will be the last one, sadly.**

**But don't worry, I'm already writing another story, which you'll really really like!**

**Please review.**

**Xoxo Nic**


	13. A whole new life with old traditions

**Chapter 13: A whole new life with old traditions**

_One year later:_

"Alexis, Troy, you guys will be late!" I scream from the kitchen.

"We're _coming_!" Troy yells back before he and Alexis walk into the kitchen.

I grin as I see my daughter wearing a light blue blouse beneath the black blazer with a black pencil skirt. "You look _so good_!" I say out proudly, feeling the tears form in my eyes.

Troy laughs, "Looks like you own me 500 $."

Alexis rolls her eyes, "What father bets with her own daughter, huh?" she asks him before she pulls me into a hug. "Don't cry, Mom."

I nodd, wiping the tears away with the back of my hand. "I'm just _so proud._"

She archs a perfectly pulcked eyebrow at me, showing me once again, that she looks more like Troy than me. "You mean proud of me because I graduated in business studies instead of journalism this week, or are you proud of me because I will start in Daddy's company?"

I grin, "Both. And now give your old mother another hug!" I say before pulling her into another long, hug.

She smiles, "You might be my mother, but your definitely not too old for sex." she says as she feels exactly what I feel. A kick.

A kick from our unborn family member. We don't know what it is yet. But what we do know is that I am _defnitly_ pregnant. While Alexis could not wait long enough to show herself via a baby bump, baby no. 2 seems to be just the opposite. Although I just passed the important third month, I already have a baby bump. Not a huge one, but a baby bump which already is a clear sign to my pregnancy. A bump which deforms whenever the child starts kicking.

I return her smile, "You guys should go."

"Don't stress me, I am already feeling nervous enough..." she whispers into my ear.

Troy smiles at his daughter, "A Bolton is never nervous."

She turns around, putting on her best poker face. "Who gave you the premission to eavesdrop me, huh?!"

He grins before he hugs her with one arm, "Fair enough. I think you will just fit right into my company."

"Don't forget that I already owned your company."

"For two weeks."

"There were freaking two good weeks, if you ask me."

"Because you didn't do anything?"

"...No! I did a lot..."

"Mhm, like what? Lose a couple of thousands?!"

"If you-"

"Those ifs won't help you today. Now, come on, we have to get going." he says, leading her to the elevator with his hand on her back.

"Oh yeah, you just want a morning filled with making out with your wife." Alexis mumbles as she walks down the long, thin hallway.

He chuckles before he walks around the island, straight into my arms. He embraces me softly, before he presses his forehead softly against mine. "How are you?"

I smile, "I'm good. No morning sickness. No headaches. No moodswings. No sudden taste changes...All in all, this pregnancy is a lot easier than the one with Alexis."

"I heard that!" she screams from the hallway.

"Who's eavesdropping now?!" Troy asks back.

"I'll wait for you in the car. And _I_ will drive this time."

Troy rolls his eyes before he looks at me again. "She loves the Ferarri."

"A car you shouldn't have bought her to her graduation."

"Let her have some fun. It's been a painfull year for her." he says as he brushes a dark brown lock away from my face.

I nodd, "Yeah... The miscarriage wasn't easy. As well as the separation from Lucas... Yet, she somehow made it through."

"She's a Bolton. We always make it through. No matter what."

"No matter what..." I echo him before I kiss him softly. "And now go. Or I won't let you go."

"I believe Alexis would be fine without me at the company..." he says grinning before he kisses me quickly. "And make sure you have everything packed."

I nodd, "I'll start right when you left this apartment."

"Good. I'll see you this evening on the top of Manhattan then."

"Savannah 2.0 and I will wait for you longingly." I say grinning as I watch him walking away from me.

"Ella, " he says, turning around halfway. "I love you."

"I love you, too. Always have, always will." I say, feeling the tears forming in my eyes again. "And now seriously, get your ass back in your company! You need to earn some money and get on Alexis' nerves."

He grins, "I really do love my job..."

* * *

The wind is blowing through my dark brown locks as I pull the coat a little closer around my body. Savannah 2.0, our helicopter, is already ready for take-off.

"Mrs. Bolton, " I hear his voice ringing in my ear.

I turn around, looking straight into his crystal blue eyes. He's wearing a black woolen coat with a grey cashmere scarf, which empahsize his eye color even more.

"Mr. Bolton, " I say, taking his hand. "You made it on time. I'm impressed."

"What kind of husband were I if I were late on our 20th wedding anniversary?" he asks me as we walk over to Savannah.

I smile, "I must admit, so far you're doing quite good."

Timothy walks over to us, "Everythings set for takeoff, Sir."

Troy nodds, "Good. Thank you, Timothy."

I smile. Twenty years ago, he would have gotten a glance from him with maybe a smile if he was in a good mood. Now, he's even getting a thank you.

"Oh and happy 20th anniversary." he says to me smiling.

"Thanks." I say smiling before we get seated inside the helicopter. "Where are we flying to?" I ask him as he makes sure the seat is close enough to my body.

He grins, "You'll see."

"Not the answer I'd like to here."

"We're flying back to the roots."

I arch an eyebrow at him, "That's not helping."

"Back to _our_ roots." he says to me smiling before he kisses me softly.

* * *

"Due to the 21 years of our relationship, I thought you knew by now that I absolutely _hate_ surprises!" I say, totally blindfold by his black silk tie.

"Mhm..." he says, placing his hands on my back to lead me forward.

His touch is giving me goosebumps right away. God, being blindfold is _so_ sexy... "How much longer do I have to wear this tie?"

"Just a minute..." he whispering into my ear. I hear him unlocking something. Is it a door?

"_Where_ are we?" I ask him anxiously.

"Ready?" he asks me.

"I couldn't be any more ready." I say back at him, feeling his hands on my head.

"Okay, one, two three..." he says before taking off the tie from my head.

My eyes flutter a little, adjusting to the soft lightning. There's a table in the middle of the room. It takes a second to really find out _where_ I am. I look around, seeing the painting on his wall. The Clayton painting. Sasha's painting on the wall of his office. We're in his office.

"Back to the roots..." I say in a whisper.

"Ah, so you remember." he says smiling.

I shoot a look at him.

He holds up his hands, "Hey, I couldn't remember it a year ago."

I roll my eyes, "Don't you dare play that card again."

He chuckles, "But I'm glad that we _both_ remember it now. Ready for a trip down the memory lane?"

I nodd as I get placed on the chair in front of the table, "This is amazing."

"It's my way to remember us."

"An us who will be four pretty soon." I say grinning, placing my hands on my baby bump.

He lays his hands on mine. "I can't believe you're pregnant again..."

"Me, too. It's our third miracle." I say smiling.

"Third?"

"Well the first is clearly Alexis. The second is you showing up after I was _sure_ you were dead. I mean, Trancy even read out your will! And the third is clearly this." I say, my eyes focusing on my baby bump.

"A nice third miracle..."

"A miracle which couldn't have been without you."

"No, _you_ are the miracle. Without you, none of this would happen. Without you, I wouldn't be happy. I would never have felt his joy. I would never have this family. A family I can not exist without." he says before he kisses me softly. "I love you."

"I love you, too."

* * *

**The last chapter! I hope you enjoyed reading this story.**

**For the last time: Please review!**

**My next story is called "Torn Apart" and it's out NOW!**

**Xoxo Nic**


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